Every woman should have a little "brow"time
I am singing "oooooo baby, I think I love you, from head to toe!" (Ahhh, Lisa Lisa and the Cult Jam...classy chick...classy band....CLASSIC song!)
Well, "brow"nistas (I have settled on it) GREAT NEWS...my WONDERFUL, awesome husband bought me a car!
YYYEESSSS!!! I am so proud to say my spouse spent countless hours researching (and traveling) to find what I wanted then took me to the dealership to pick it up! Now, I am going to be honest...
I had a problem accepting it.
Let me explain why. When you become a wife and a mother, you become accustomed to sacrificing. You really get in the back of the line and let everyone go ahead of you. For my yet to be "married sisters with kids," this is me letting you know that it does NOT turn out the way it does in the movies.
No one spends the rest of their life "wooing" you ALL of the time.
As a matter of fact, don't confuse the intensity of the chase with the reality of the conquer. No one's spouse spends every waking moment thinking of new ways to "win you over." Not realistic. You can, however, find great comfort in God loving you in an intentional, "I never forget about you even though I am the master of all creation and more as I never drop the ball" kinda way. He is the MASTER lover but everyone else puts in "seasonal work" at best. Again, that's ok.
Ok, digression is over.
I remember watching my mother for years go to work, eat last, drive the "practical" car, not shop, and do what she had to do so we could have a good "quality of life." I used to think she wasn't "fly" enough or "hip," but little did I know until I became a wife and mom that my mother's sacrifice far outweighed any "fly" or "hip" anything!
As a wife and mom, you become accustomed to giving up everything for your family. Nothing ever truly belongs to you. Even in writing this blog, I am careful of how I share and vent because I would never want my family to be offended when reading this. As a wife and mom, you share everything!
Now, some things sound nice when you say them real fast (borrowed that from my uncle). It sounds good when we say we love our families and would give everything to and for them. Now, to our families, that translates into "there are little to no boundaries and surely wife/mommy doesn't mind if I have some of that, take that, or keep it for myself!" I know I have "jacked" my mother a "many a day" for clothes, food, money, time and more always taking for granted that she didn't mind and could surely replace everything. She always graciously allowed me to take whatever and then went off to do her "mom magic."
However, I feel compelled to share what we really meant to say is we will gladly give our families whatever they need (and we probably don't mind being stretched, pulled and exhausted); however, we should probably insert a clause into that heartfelt declaration, an ammendment if you will, which states "I will give anything you ask but when I desire to have something for myself, please don't penalize me." There are times when, yes, we need a break or something that is JUST for us!
So, all of that being said, when my husband turned to me and handed me the keys to a car he picked out SPECIAL made for me...well...I LOST IT! I mean I UGLY cried!
I could not believe it! Now, we needed a car, but I was thinking something more for the family. My youngest daughter said "Mommy, you should get a Honda Odyssey!" (I was in agreement.) I just wanted something safe and practical. I needed something with a warranty and something I could feel better about riding around in when carrying my precious cargo (the kids). My desires for another vehicle really centered around my family. I wasn't expecting my spouse to take into consideration my whimsical flights of fancy about a luxury edition of a family vehicle.
I was so nervous about embracing that this car is...MINE. (I still say OURS.)
My husband didnt' go to the dealer and pick out what he wanted me to have.
He didn't go and pick out what he wanted and leave me to drive the "bucket."
No, he drove all over until he found what he knew I wanted. He put what he wanted on hold to make sure he could take care of what I needed!
He went for the "from the heart moment."
Well that is the moment where your spouse tries to convey to you how much they love you and are really listening to you even when you think they may be missing it.
This is an important place to pause.
Bit of wisdom: Be intentional about looking out for the "from the heart moments."
One of the things which has helped me to grow in my marriage is to look for the ways my husband loves me in HIS way instead of how I THINK he should convey his love for me. You don't know my spouse (don't worry, you will in the days to come) but he is FAR from "mushy" or a traditional romantic. One of his ways of reinforcing how much he loves me (because make NO mistake about it, I am the LOVE OF HIS LIFE and he will let you know should you be misinformed in the matter) is to go out of his way to make sure I have what I need and want even if he has to stay up all night figuring out how to make it happen.
There are many times he will go without so I can have what I DON'T need...I HATE when he does that but it is HIS way and I have learned to embrace it (but to keep things clear, I don't have any "bright ideas" around the first of the month or when the car note and insurance are due! We don't "juggle" that now!)
Many woman make the mistake of dismissing their mates' genuine attempts at affection because it doesn't look like the movies. Uh...that's a script. This is real life. Moving on...
Back to the car...
So, after being "trained" to let everyone go ahead of me, I felt bad seeing this new car as my car. I kept saying "we" or the "family car," but my husband quickly corrected me and said "I want you to know I see and hear you.You have given so much. I want you to have this." FLOORED! And he didn't even get lucky that night! (holla at me on Saturday, bruh, when the kids are away. YES, boo boo!)
So, ALL of this got me to thinking about really embracing that it is OK to have something for yourself.
In this life, darling, you can get lost, forgotten about at times, taken for granted at others, or it just simply isnt your time or turn. And you can't be TOO spiritual or "fleshy" should you have to confront the truth that, after taking care of everyone else, you are simply burnt out!
No, you have to be real. Real enough to say "this hurts," or "I am tired," or "enough already!"
So, let' talk about "Brow"time really quick...
"Brow"time isn't about being outwardly beautiful. If you think so, then you missed it. "Brow"time is about you being intentional to do something for yourself EACH day. It is NOT about being selfish. You can be concerned with yourself and not be guilty of being selfish.
You have to pour back into yourself because you pour out so much. If you don't empty out so you can be filled again, you will become toxic. You can't become toxic because you have to get back on the saddle and RIDE, SALLY, RIDE!
"Brow" time symbolizes the time we take for ourselves; it's about far more than physical appearance
because we've proven we are willing to step down from our coveted glamour queen positions and willfully take on our Cinderella pre- Prince charming roles! "Brow"time is about taking the time to love yourself. It is about being full and being okay with doing what you need to do to get and remain full!
Last bit of wisdom for the day...
the "5 minutes every hour a day" rule
Every woman should have a minimum of 5 minutes to herself in every hour (don't worry you have the time). 5 minutes to have a positive thought, say a prayer, speak a positive affirmation to yourself, read a Bible verse, have a quiet moment, enjoy your favorite beverage or snack (I love Italian soda and fruit snacks)...5 minutes that is just for you! You will find yourself smiling more, enjoying the roles each of us were called to fill, and loving life!
So, I thank my spouse dearly, for his selfless act of love when reminding me that it is ok for me to have something for myself.
Everyone needs a little "brow"time...have you had yours today?